Finding Peace in Our Lives.

Last night I read from Being Peace and the following passage jumped out at me:

There is a Zen story about a man who is riding a horse that is galloping very quickly. Another man, standing alongside the road, yells at him, “Where are you going?” And the man on the horse yells back, “I don’t know, ask the horse!” I think that is our situation. We are riding many horses that we cannot control. (Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace, Parallax Press, Berkeley, CA, 1987)

I think sometimes in our lives we allow things to lead us, until we're unable to control the direction life is leading us.

It would be nice to wake up tomorrow and know where I am leading my horses rather than wondering where my horses will lead me.

Tweets and Thoughts on Attending a Mega-Church

Today on twitter MethoBlog sent out a tweet I recognized was authored by one of the pastors at my church. I responded, and it twitter format, here is how the conversation went (my comments in bold). By the way, I don't feel bad posting this, since its easily accessible by looking at my twitter history and his.

@methoblog Those are the ministers from my church! Good to see they get the recognition they deserve! :)

methoblog@justjenks consider yourself blessed to have such gifted people around your church body

@methoblog is it sad to say the experiences w staff is why I go back? It's NOT being surronded by 10,000 people I don't know. ;)

methoblog @justjenks i, personally, would have a tough time with the shear numbers of your church as well.

As the day went on, my comment about my church weighed on me. Why do I go back? Why I am I unhappy when I church hop to find "the right one"? What kind of pressure does comments like this put on our pastors?

Pastors in our church are assigned members by alpha-sorting. A-D get Pastor 1, E-K get Pastor 2, etc. Personally, I have no clue who my assigned Pastor is, because I choose to go to the West Campus. If one of the staff over there is unavailable, then I guess I do without because I don't "know" the staff at the main campus.

The stated purpose of our church is : To build a Christian community where non-religious and nominally religious people are becoming deeply committed Christians.

I think that's wonderful, but I think where my disconnect started years ago was I felt lost and in between those two points. I'm no longer nominally religious, but I'm certainly not mature in my faith. My assigned Pastor wouldn't know me if they bumped into me at the market. Said Pastor certainly when assigned hundreds of members, can not have the time to sit down with me and talk to me about my struggles in faith.

So, why do I go back? I think during my short run tonight I need to ponder that.

I think it has to do with a few connections I've made. It has a lot to do with the fact its familiar (10 years and going). I enjoy the heart of the sermons, although I feel too much media is used. And lately, I have started to have hope that I can get involved in a few areas and make a difference.

One item missing from that list of reasons? I don't go back for the sense of community. After all, 10,000 people at church is about 7500 more people than was in my whole town growing up. That's not a community, that's a small city.